Dissappointed!!

22.9. 16:01

Heyy reader! I am back again to complain!

Soo I saw a thumbnail of this one trailer and I was like "wow that looks super interesting! The blue main character looks so cool!" but after few minutes into the vid I got so IRRITATED!! Why? Cus of the 2 main characters. I donno why, but they are just so annoying. I think I realized that I hate that weird millenial/tumbler style of writing thats like "omgg I am so weird and quirky look at meee! But I am also super self contious and relatable and love frogsss! But sometimes I turn dark or angry and its soo funnyyyy!" like EW I cant stand that writing help!! Worst thing is that I like the concept of the show too but just the main 2 characters annoy me so much I cant watch it... Sad! What happened to having some aura?? I guess its just not show for me...

Regarding my broken pc situation, I found a laptop to buy! Yay! And its cheap as hell and doesnt have any major issues. Soo I cant wait till christmas!!!

Thats it reader, byebyeee stay safe.

I swear I called it 20.9. 13:00

Heyy reader!! I love how I said I wont post daily blog for a bit but here I am nooowww

Basically, it was a normal day, I wanted to do some school work on my pc but it just acted out weirdly (which I am used to), it said I am not online when I clearly was, which made me mad af so I took a break from it. But after I came back it said it reseted but there was an error so the PC wouldnt start up. Basically, my PC commited suicide lmao

What does this mean for this blog? Well... nothing much. I figured I could add stuff here from my tablet so thats ok. The biggest problem probably is just watching anime and playing games. I can watch anime from my TV on my flashdisk, but the problem is I only have anime I already watched there. Sooo I guess if you guys wanted to see more of Gungrave rambles, you will have to wait till Christmas when I get new laptop to install new episodes! HAHAHAHAH! (Kill me). Also I will have to figure how to connect my headphones to my TV cus I am NOT watching anime without headphones. If it wont work then oh well, I will just have to go on without anime for a while (Imma kms)!

I wont lie, it does make me mad, but that pc had to go anyway. I take this as more of a test of suffering: you suffer in the present and then enjoy the fuits of your labour in the future! Orr does that saying even apply..? I think the more you dont use something for a long time the more better it feels when it finally comes back. Sooo I bet I will miss Gungrave but future me will be so happy (and safe money cus of Black friday sale)! I will do it for her gladly.

Thank you for reading reader and have a nice day!

I am back 19.9. 15:41

Hey reader, long time no see? (by that I mean 2 days)

Soo, you may have noticed if you are a regular, that I didnt post for 2 days. I have a reason for that: I just didnt know what to post. I kinda wanna start posting less often on blogs in general and more on my other subpages. Why? Well, cus I hate talking about myself and I dont wanna do it every day lmao. Maybe in like 3 or 4 days I will just so you know I am still alive.

Byebye reader, watch out for new subpages updates!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! 16.9. 15:30

OMGG heyyy reader! Today is a happy day!

So whys it happy? Finally a game Ive been waiting for since last year released!! Its called "No I am not a human" and I loved the demo of it so fricking much I couldnt wait till it would release fully. It was honestly the only game I waited for to release. I have good memories with it, I think it started getting popular on youtube around a year ago. I remember rewatching gameplays of the game more than 10 times by different youtubers on repeat. What also was year ago where thouse big ass floods that hit some Eastern European countries. I wasnt effected by them, dont worry reader. It just rained alot and it created the perfect atmosphere to watch the demo at, and I love love rain. Not to mention, I kept listening to the soundtrack on repeat, so combine that with the rain it was kinda epic. I also remember going to my intern job which had these huge windows that just gave the place a whole different vibe when it rained, so when I wore my earphones (secretly) and worked, it had AURA reader! I also kinda enjoyed going to my intern job at that time. Since it rained there were fewer customers around and I also worked with my classmates. I used to take a bus from where I live at to the bus station, and from the bus station I took a bus that took me to the place where my workplace was at. Then I had to walk for like 40 minutes uphill because the bus stop was far away. Yea you probably guessed right, it rained ALOT and I had to walk in the rain for 40 MINUTES! I also had to wake up at 5 am so it was kinda dark and musky too. It surely was an experience, but I kinda miss it. I miss how my intern job used to be like, the last time I was there I feel like everyone that worked there started hating me for some reason and the vibe got kinda ruined. Thank god I dont go there anymore, but I still kinda miss how it was before. Anyway! I will play "No I am not a human" today definitly!!

Speaking of rainy weather, I got woken up from a very very nice dream by ONE storm at midnight! Like I WAS SO MAD!! So what was the dream about that it got me so mad that I woke up from it? I forgot.

That it reader byebyeee!!!

Everything is so annoying today 15.9. 14:15

Heyy reader! I feel so shitty today for real, so lets talk about it!

Sooo for some context I am on my period, so I guess that would explain like half of the stuff I will talk about today. Anyway, yesterday I just got very very sick? I dont know if Id call it sick though, because I didnt caugh or have runny nose. My head and my stomach just hurt alot and I was tired. That led me to just lay the whole day yesterday in bed and I couldnt sleep neither, so thats great! So I am super tired today, but like that wasnt enough, as if the god wanted to annoy me into suicide today. Few things happened: I wanted to take my necklace but the whole damn necklace holder fell down and the jewlery did some acrobatics and tangeled together, like ALL of IT, perfect! My mum parked my car shittily (which is ok I dont blame her) so I crashed like 5 times into the wall just to leave the garage, great! I took some tight as hell shorts so half of my ass was visible every time I sat down, very epic! My gross ass classmates started talking about how they would fuck eachother in detail, wow I love life!! I wanted to piss and ran to the restroom in school, but like 4 fuckboys stood in the hallway and didnt even move out of the way when they saw me walking, so I bumped into one and accidentally stabbed him with my siccrors which stick out of my bag, FANTASTIC!!! I was happy that I will have school at 9 am tomorrow (so I could get some sleep), but my french teacher came and said we will have french class at 8 am to study for finals, HOOORAYYYY!!!!!!! If you cant tell I am being sarcastic this whole time. Today sucked so bad I just wanna bedrot and die, reader...

But hey, lets try being positive for a change, so I wont go insane. Since all I could do yesterday was lay in my bed, I started reading this fanfiction where Vash the Stampede from Trigun meets Alucard from Hellsing. Lets just say... I. Love. This. FANFIC! The 2 bounce off of eachother so well, with Vash being pacifist and Alucard being nihilist. And the whole plot makes maybe too much sense for a literal crossfanfic too. I could see this fanfic happening in the Trigun universe. There are some points where I got kinda confused on what was happening and the grammar isnt the best (jee who am I to comment on grammar) but I find that charming in a way, so its ok. The fanfic is pretty old too, coming out in 2006, which is even before Hellsing Ultimate stopped airing so thats kinda interesting. I so far only read 6 chapters out of 9 but I bet I could finish it today HAH! I will put a link to the fanfic if you are interested in reading it soo here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2885778/1/Alucard-Meets-Vash-the-Stampede

Sooo thats it folks! Byebyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

MY SHEILAAAAAA 14.9. 13:14 Watch outtt this blog entry incluses spoilers for the anime Gungrave!

Heyy readerrr! How are you? Bet you are well as always cus you deserve it.

I wanna talk about 3 things so lets start with the more positive one: I found the BEST spaghetti sauce recepie that doesnt take 4 years to cook, yay!! I had this problem with our tomato garden recently: it just produces too many tomatoes. And I LOVE tomatoes, but I just use them only for tomato salad and nothing more. I dont use too many tomatoes for the salad neither, like around 5 at max, so there is always many tomatoes left... and they just kinda rot in the garden which is kinda a pity. BUT NOW I FOUND A RECIPIE WHICH EATS UP LIKE 50 TOMATOES!! So they wont have to rot in the garden, yayy! Also they dont need to be 100% appealing looking, because they will be cooked anyway unlike they do in a salad. Its so easy too, you just put up tomatoes, onions, some meat and let it cook in a pan on some oil, throw salt, pepper, oregano and basil in it and BOOM its done! And so good too!

Second thing I wanna talk about is... I am leaving genshin impact for good. And worst thing is that its not even cus I want to! Sure, I do have my problems with the game, but recently I started to focus more on the gameplay and character building rather than the story, like doing Spiral Abyss and the theather thing, and its been so much fun! I even gave up on pulling for characters altogether. If you play genshin, try playing the end game content while listening to Rammstein, its so good and it kinda makes edits of the characters on accident sometimes lmao. BUT I AM GETTING SIDE TRACKED!! Genshin just became too big for my pc storage and even after deleting half of the stuff I dont use, for some reason my pc is still too full! Soo that leaves me to my only option: leaving genshin. Maybe when I will get a new pc on christmas and somehow have 1 terabite storage I will reinstall it but now no. Sooo dont really expect me to ramble about the new stuff in my genshin subsection cuss I am just done. :3

Anyway, the last thing I wanna talk about is my BOY Harry MacDowell!!! I am so sad you guys... I actually started to like Harry over the course of the anime, like I know he will betray Brandon at some point but I dont CAREE I liked him! He is so silly!! He kinda reminds me of this one guy named Paulie in a game thats very well known in my country named Mafia 1. Guess there is just something about idealistic silly men in mafia themed media for me that I like, I suppose. Anyway, why am I sad? Cus like what the hell, Harry started dating Bear Walkens daughter which is..... 12!!!! I am so dissapointed in my Sheila!! I was like "hehe aww its a kid crush from a little girl!" then they went on a date and I was like "uhhhh ok maybe she just looks young but is 18! I mean, this is anime afterall." and I googled it expecting AT WORST that she would be 15... guys she is 12. HARRY MY BOY WHY ARE YOU DATING 12 YEAR OLD GIRL????? Ok maybe, maybee they just went on a friend date and nothing romantical?? Guys I am coping so bad. Harry, my Sheila, why, leave the kids aloneee! I just hope it gets explained somehow.

Ok thats it reader byebyeeee

I broke my streak dangg 13.9. 12:11

Heyy reader!! I didnt make a blog yesterday ughh.

I wanted to make a blog yesterday, but I got my period and my stomach hurt like shit so I didnt really have the energy to write anything. I also drove home from school and was SO releaved to have school on just the side of the city, because there was so much traffic, I was happy that I didnt have to drive through that... but then somehow I had to give my sister a ride and had to drive straight in the heart of the traffic. Totally didnt have a heartattack! Also I bought this vegan lasagna that was on sale and it was 4 days expired. Not to mention I just left it in the fridge when I am pretty sure you have to store lasagna in freezer lol. So anyway, I ate it when I got home from the ride. Anddd then felt the whole day like I wanted to vomit HAHA! I am so dumb. I even saw like weird water on top of the lasagna that tasted kinda like spoiled milk but didnt think anything of it. I have the survival instincts of a... something.

I am honestly so tired. I kinda wanted to lay low of energy drinks because I noticed it makes my teeth look yellow. Also all the bad side effects like liver desease, heart attack, moodswings and so on. I kinda wanna get into drinking coffee again. I used to buy this cheap as hell black coffee from a coffee machine in my school, it tasted like shit, but it woke me up.

So yea thats it reader. I will probably add some rambles in the sub sections maybe. Take care and byebyeee!

You know sometimes I just wonder... 11.9. 17:14

Heyy reader today its gonna be deeeeeep so yea strap it up and get ready to read!

Here is the context: I was listening to sad songs to get me in the mood for this one vingette I was writing. Then I started reading the comments out of curiousity and it was soo full of sad hopeless people! They went all "why was I born?" or "I hate living" and they were sooo sad poor little babiess. I donno if its the motherly gene in me, but I just wanna comfort obviously hurting person so bad! Maybe that would explain why I mostly like very very broken characters in media- the broker the better! I am quiet literally the opposite of the "I can fix him" meme, I am just "get broken even more so we can hug it out" lol. But I dont really express this feeling irl because trust issues but IMAGINE, imagine a world where I didnt grow up shittyly and my mental health was ok, I could have been such a sweethearttt for real!

Anyway, to any of yall being depressed just know that Jesus loves you, no matter who you are. No I am not christian, but Ive been coping like this for a while now, so maybe it would work to you too? Who knows! You could exchange Jesus for anyone anyway: Hatsune Miku loves you no matter what! Vash the Stampede loves you no matter what (he probably does lowkey)! I mean, its better coping mechanism than alcohol thats for sure, so why not give it a try?

Byebyee reader dont lose hope! Love youuuu!

H 10.9. 17:53

Hey reader wassup, how was your day? Mine was good! I almost crashed my car today!

Its kinda weird. I always go to sleep so I would have around 7 hours of sleep at least, but I still feel fricking tired! But NOW I went to sleep for 5 hours and I felt less tired. Make it make sense!!

Anyway, I had this annoying thing happen to me in class. We were having a french test and suddenly my damn stomach just wanted to fart so bad and started doing some weird bubbly sounds... WHILE THE WHOLE CLASS WAS QUIET! Thankfully I didnt fart like a dumbass so yall fart fetishists can leave now byebye! But honestly tho, I dont write it here for some fantasy, I just thought it was funny (my humor is dead). I almost died tho.

Also the weather forecast said it will rain the whole day, so I hoped if I drove from school to home, the rain would finally FINALLY clean up some bird shit that just randomly appeared all over my car one day. But nah, it started raining like 5 hours later. I dont really wanna pay for a car wash and dont feel like cleaning it neither. Guess the bird shit stays.

Can you tell I literally have nothing better to talk about? Byebye reader, see you tomorrow.

I had such a blast yesterday 9.9. 16:17

Readerrrrr heyyy I was so happy yesterday fr!!

I feel like the less I am exposed to other peoples art, the more I feel better about my art. I went on a hiatus from drawing for a while but yesterday I was like "yea fuck it" and started drawing again. Or more like REDRAWING my old scrapped oc. Do you guys ever have this one oc thats secretly your favourite oc and also unintantional 2d bf that you created to ship with your self insert oc??? Me neither! But I used to have one when I was like 12! I had specific design and personality in mind: black spiky hair, laid back but serious, with smol facial hair, blue eyes, black sunglasses, smoker, had swag, morally greyish, loner, was good at reading people- no guys its not Nicholas D Wolfwood from Trigun... but its kinda weird how similar in concept they are (only in concept). Anyway, I always wanted to draw him, but because I had limited skills as a 12 year old, he just never looked like the perfect version of himself. But I made progress since then and redrew him and omg, my 12 year old self would be SOSO proud! I am far from perfect at drawing guys but you could really see the improvement. I feel tempted to kinda put him in the narrative of my main main ocs but I already have similar ocs to him, design and personality vise so it wouldnt really work. I was thinking of rewriting his character but it just DOESNT feel like him anymore you know? So I guess hes just an oc without any story lol. Funfact! His name is Alex Knight and I once used his name Alex as a nickname (to like reference him) and it sticked around, so now most people who know me know me as Alex thanks to this oc I made HAHA!

Rest of the image will be in "hobbies" section with the original drawing

I should start drawing again more, byebyee readerrr!

Reading and books 8.9. 18:01

Hewoo reader how have you been?? :3

Today I wanna talk about something thats been on my mind for a long time (by that I mean just this afternoon): books. Dont worry reader, I didnt become a nerd over night, Ive just been thinking about it in class while zoning out and thought it could be a good blog entry. Speaking of class, I think I would honestly read alot more books if school wasnt a thing, which literally FORCES you to read books in the first place. Ive always had a "friends with benefits" type of retaionship with reading. Like, its not one of my main main hobbies like drawing or watching anime, but I do read when there is like nothing else to do. Which isnt that often.

I wanna tell you about books that I read and are honestly VERY underrated. First I wanna start with "Cremator"/"Corpse burner" by Ladislav Fuks. This book literally changed my life reader, Imma start with the plot and then get into my opinions, but reader, I really recommend you read it yourself and not just let me explain it, if you like "break the cutie" trope in media or psychological thrillers, this is a book for you. Its about a father, mister Kopfrkingl (I think thats his name), who is half german and married to a jewish woman and had 2 kids with her. He works in a crematorium and burns corpses of dead people to dust (hence the book name), he takes his job as a duty to help the dead depart to heaven, even in this grim situation. He has this positive outlook because he is a buddhist, he is overall very kind person for the whole book. Then one day, Hitler gains rise and promises to restore Germany (for some context the book is happening before WW2), and mister Kopfrkingls friend, Williem, tries to convince Kopfrkingl over the course of the story to support Hitler like he does, since Kopfrkingl has german blood in him. Williem over the course of the story manipulates Kopfrkingl into thinking his pacifistic outlook on life is for weaklings, and that he should fight for his country because the fight is justified, because Germany suffers. This works out and Kopferkingel snaps. He kills his wife by asking her for help with hanging something, and then ends up hanging her. On purpose. Then he burns his son in the furnace at his job, alive, because apperetly his son was too weak. He then tries to kill his daughter too, but she escapes. The book ends with Kopfrkingl getting locked up in an asylum where he gets hallucintaions about the natzies coming to save him.

You may have noticed I got kinda less detailed to the end of the plot summary, well thats for one reason: I didnt finish the book yet. You could be thinking its out of lazyness or lack of motivation but no. The book is just a fucking drag to get through, its like the author tried to write the book as long as possible to reach like certain page number. He keeps repeating things, like once there is a mention of this one kid having a drunk father and mister Kopfrkingl keeps saying "omg this boy has alcoholic father, I hope he doesnt end up like his father" like, I only remember there was some kid with drunk father only cus he keeps bringing it up. Also every time someone has a ring, be it a wedding ring or just a ring and they point at something EVERY TIME there is "and his/her ring shined in the light" 5 times in a row LIKE YEA WE GET IT THEY HAVE A RING OMFG!!! And here I thought my phasing was horrid when I write. But thats honestly the only flaw the book has. I LOVE the characterization and setting descriptions and atmosphere and build up. I think the whole buddhist thing mister Kopferkingl has going on made an impact on me, even though its not really the main focus of the story. I feel like this book made me go on some spiritual awakening or something subcontiously. Everything just feels so raw, like its a real story happening in real life. I adore mister Kopfrkingl, he is so positive about everything and expresses his emotions too, he almost seems naive but not really naive like a puppy. It will be very sad when I get to the part where he snaps and kills everyone. If I didnt have the plot spoiled in school already I would feel sad about it, its almost like DDLC vibe, just very big build up to something bad. I will have to finish it. Now that I think about it, maybe mister Koprkingl kinda reminds me of THE GOAT Alexander Anderson a little?? Or is my brain just shoving Hellsing into everything again.

I probably should have put this in the hobbies section, not as a daily blog, but honestly, I dont even know what to write about today so I guess here is somthing. Goodbyee readerrr!

Lets be positiveee!!! 7.9. 12:52

Heyy readerr! I feel like the weekend passed a bit too fast to be honest lmao.

Gosh I feel so old, its really like I didnt feel like anything changed since 2020, because it was a slow change so it wasnt so noticable. But now I started picking up on the changes and I feel everything changed so much. I was walking to school on friday and saw kids that went to school as well. I never really noticed the difference between 4th years and 1rst years students but honsetly, they all just looked like little kids. I also feel like the whole student body changed since the time I was a first year. I swear they all seem more whiny and childish. Maybe its also the feeling of being on top? I think I experienced this feeling in 9th grade too a little, but not too much because it was covid, so I didnt go to school much. I just feel old, you guys lmao.

But lets be positive!! Tomorrow I dont have any difficult classes, so I can relax for today and after tomorrow I start at 9 am! With also no difficult classes neither! YAY! I was thinking about installing Marvel rivals but, because my pc is shit, it would take like 3 weeks to install so I gave up. Cant wait to get a new pc/laptop for christmas, I wanna play so many games like the Yakuza series, Red death redemption 2 and so on. I could play them now but the installation time is always so long and my pc crashes like 15 times too so its not worth it. Speaking of games, I saw this tomadachi or how its called ripoff on steam for free but when I booted it up it kept crashing. That was annoying as hell, think I will ask chatgpt to find similar alternative because now I really wanna play a game like that. Or maybe I could go play sims, but sims 3s costumizability is kinda bad and I dont wanna play sims 4 cus its boring. I could install mods but I dont really know how and I dont feel like spending 3 hours on it, looking up tutorials and stuff. Who am I kidding? I will probably bed rot for the rest of the day anyway like always.

Thats it reader byebyeee!

Honestly what the hell 6.9. 19:24

Heyyy readerrr!

Remember how I said I will watch Hellsing in french dub yesterday? I did and IT SOUNDED SOO CRAZY!! I dont know if its because I dont understand french and japanese, but they are almost on par with their energy (in my opinion) its kinda insane. Seras, Integra, Maxwell and maybe Anderson too sound pretty similar to the japanese dub voice vise, but Alucard... reader. What did they do to my boy Alucard. I mean that in the best way possible. Every dub Ive listened to (english, japanese, czech) Alucard has kinda a mysterious dark voice and then it turns frantic when he does some crazy shit, but in the french dub he is just crazy all the time... and I kinda love it. He kinda reminds me of the spy from TF2 but maybe thats cus of the language. Its kinda weird but I think I love the french dub the most out of all the dubs?? Ive only watched a couple of episodes, but from what I saw I love it.

I had this pet peeve ever since I watched Hellsing Gonzo for the first time, that Anderson just WHINES so fricking much in episode 7 "Duel" while he fights with Alucard, to the point I even hated the episode for it when I watched it for the first time lmao. In every dub he does it, but guys... the french had blessed me and they DIDNT ADD ANY in the episode!!! Well there is some, but its not like overly annoying. I think overall when it came to the screaming, grunting and all that sound shit, french dub has it toned down but at the same time at some points, when they do do some over the top sounds, it sounds like slight moaning????? I donno man maybe its a culture thing.

I gotta love how I yap here too much about hellsing when I have a whole SUBPAGE for it!! I donno guys, its a life style at this point. BYEBYE READER I LOVE YOU!!!!

FINALLY RELEAF!! sort of 5.9. 20:41

Heyy reader, you read the title right, I feel so so releaved.

Ive been stressed about school lately and mostly cus of french. I thought we would have like 50 papers to learn from memory for finals, but noo. The teather just gave me like 14. Which is doable HAHAAHA!! And I read through it and I know most of the words. I think if I will start learning it now, one paper for a week Imma learn it till May perfectly! Nah kidding, I am not a psycho, I will probably do like 3 papers a month. I am so releaved though, even though 14 is still alot, it doesnt seem impossible.

Ive also though of kinda getting into the french accent and stuff and just getting used to how french people speak... BY WATCHING HELLSING FOR THE 20000TH TIME BUT IN FRENCH DUB NOW!! Thats right you guys, if I cant learn shit I will at least make it fun. Thats actually how I started liking french and France in the first place. I got super obsessed with the Disney movie Hunchback of Notre Dome, cus this one channel I played in the background while I was multitasking always glazed it to heavens, so I was like "No way this movie cant be THAT good!" so I watched it. Reader, its SOOO good. Ive watched it like 5 times, I remember. The characters are like the best: Quasimodo was super relatable to me, because I am also severly socially outcasted person and I always wonder how life would be if I was living just one day in society normally and not feel like I dont fit in or that I have to run away, I feel so happy for him that in the end he got his happy ending, hes a total sweetheart. Esmeralda is literally MY QUEEN omgg she is sassy and kind and self sacrificing and a rebel I ADORE her. She is the best disney princess!! Then there is Phoebios who, unlike his book counterpart, is actually very fun. He and Esmeralda are SOSO cute, the chemistry between them is so good. And then of course we got Frollo, I love Frollo you guys, he is so god damn EVIL and so dark and tristed and has aura. If Quasimodo represents my wishful thinking of ever being social, then Frollo is that other part of my brain that says that nobody will ever like me and that I should just give up. Sorry that got kinda personal. Anyway, that movie is so dear to me. The only thing I dont like are the Gargoils, they were fun at first, but at 2nd rewatch they just annoyed me. People say Disney peaked in Disney Renossance but I think Hunchback of Notre Dome is the best thing they ever made. Its also kinda interesting how there is a motif of "a man and a monster" like there is in Hellsing (of course I mention Hellsing) "only man can kill a monster", I just love connecting my obsessions on totally nonsensical level reader I am sorry.

Anyway, back to the "why I fell in love with french and France" topic. It was a perfect timing, because at the time when I was obsessing over Hunchback, Fontaine in Genshin came out and I LOVE FONTAINE!! I know its not like 100% inspired by France, but the motives are there. I just fell in love with how FANCY and GOTHIC and GRAND everything is. And of course, as an Ace attorney fan, I LOVED the trials. I loved the french music in the trailers, even though I understood shit (Furinas trailer song is my fav). I loved it so much I started listening to french music, my favourite french band is "Noir Desir" and their songs "L'homme presse" and "Un jour en France" are still my favourites till this day. Also there is the french song in Arcane "Mechere ennemie" (I think thats how it was spelled) which is my 4th most listened to song, because, 1) I love it and 2) I always paired it up with "World without logos" by Yasushii Ishii in the playlist, cus they always came after eachother and it just felt wrong listening to one without the other lol (yes I mentioned Hellsing again).

I never really dreamed of traveling anywhere, or ever had a set goal on what to do in life, but one day I wanna go to France and visit Notre Dome! Yes I AM insane for wanting to visit a monument just cus of a movie I obsessed over, but I DONT CARE! I also wanna visit London (no not cus of Hellsing) because I think The great ace attorney showed the place around so well I kinda wanna go there. Ive been there in 7th grade but I honestly forgot everything, also the Big Ben was under construction at the time so I didnt even see it. So yea, I know english already soo just french and I can go TRAVEL! ...that is if I pass finals bruh.

SOoo thats it reader, byebye for nowwww!

HELPPPP 4.9. 15:24

Heyy reader whats up??

Ive been kinda thinking and I think this whole blog just turned into me complaining about school, or is on the way to that point. I dont want that. I think writing about negative stuff and you reading about negative stuff wont help anyone, so I will definitly try to not use this as a school venting page, I apologize for that. Lets be positive instead, cus my nerves are killing me!!

Yesterday I finally started watching Gungrave. Yea yea I know, I think I said in some of my posts that I will finish rewatching Trigun and Hellsing ultimate before I get into watching Gungrave (which I didnt do), buuut I just was bored ok?? And I wanted to start watching new stuff. Anyway, yall, Mika is MY BABY!! I never got so invested in a character this fast, when I first saw her I was all like "O no its a whiny small girl that will just get in the way" but NO after that can practice shooting scene my brain just went: o my precious Sheila. I actually watched till episode 3 and it was soso sad, I liked Harrys and Brandons gang they were so charming. I often have this problem of predicting when and what characters die because you will just ask "Does the character have a presence? If yes what use will this character have in the future? How will they effect the narrative?" and if your answer is none or you just dont know they will most likely die. So character deaths dont really shock me, BUT in this anime they did. When Marias uncle died and the toy gun scene happened, I knew it would happen but it still shocked me because of the way it was executed and how they made me care about the characters. MAN I already love this anime. Its like a mix of Trigun (which isnt shocking its by the same creator) and Cowboybebop. I wanna watch more but school... yea, school is a thing alright.

I also watched Kpop demon hunters and I do admit its not my thing, but it was very good. I liked everything till the end, I feel like the problem was solved a bit too quickly though and the girls got accepting of Rumi being a demon a bit too quickly too. The songs were so good too, I think my favourite is "Golden". I also liked that the main love interest guy (I forgot his name lol) wasnt just some "misunderstood" person but he was actually a bad person that regretted his very selfish decision. I just love asshole characters. Also his and Rumis dynamic is cute. Rumi is my fav girl btw. My rating would be 7/10.

Anywayy, byebyee reader! Have a nice day!

Just kill me at this point 3.9. 15:06

Readerrr today was so fucking horrible!!

I got woken up 2 times at night to severe chest pain, lung pain and trembling which wouldnt go away. It almost felt like if I had fever and heart attack combined. This made me tired as hell in school cus I didnt sleep anddd we had a math test I didnt learn for, cus it was just a "revision" test on stuff from like 4 years ago soo yay! My first grade is gonna be a 5 (5 is like an equivalent of F)!! We also had french lesson where I found out I dont know shit and I wonder how tf will I learn it for my finals. I cant even relax, because my brain keeps telling me "GO STUDY GO STUDY YOU WILL REGRET IT LATER!!!" but I honestly am still stuck in my summer lazyness and I feel so guilty over it. Also today my classmates made fun of me as usual, not even in a cool bitchy way, they just gossip behind my back like little pussies. Being all "Wow you will be on service with Alex?? Enjoy it!" just say you hate me already, I cant take this passive agressivness. Not to mention when I walked in the hallways some guy thought it was SOO funny to just jump in my way to scare me. I hate teenage guys so much. And then everyone wonders why I dont have a bf.

Byebyee reader! I am so tired of this bs.

Melanchony in school and... *sigh* hellsing again. 2.9. 17:14

Help readerrrr helpp and hi!

Today I sat in school and my brain just kinda went weird. First of all I was TIRED as hell and fricking stressed too because everyone keeps yapping about the finals andd also I just dont know if I should already start learning stuff??? But I honestly feel so lazy to start. I dont really wanna think about it too much (just enough) so I wont get totally depressed. Cus of that my brain just got kinda nostalgic and melanchony for first year of high school and just overall how stuff was in 2020. I feel so old bruh. I also used to have crappy white hair in first year that looked like literal wig and were dry as hell. I just feel like something is ending you know? For better and for worse.

Anywayyy guys?? I was making a tomato salad in the kitchen and the TV was on and they yapped about some christian relics and then they mentioned some nail found by Helena????? Helenas nail??? HELLSING?? I feel like Hellsing is turning me into a christian at this point. This is what I like about Hellsing too, that you need to know some stuff to get what is even going on (like the story of Vlad the impaler), or I am just living under the rock and everyone knows that there is some Helenas nail relic and i am just figuring it out???

So yea reader, I hope I survive tomorrow cus we will have 2 german lessons (I hate german) yikes.

Reader omgg 1.9. 13:48

Omg reader remember how I said I saw a "Rip van Winkle" username in Team fortress and went all OMG HELLSING REFERENCE?! They added me on stream and I accepted... AND I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE ITS THEM BAHABBHAH thats so fun.

Ok thats it reader byebyee

I AM ALIVE :3 1.9. 11:05

Heyyy reader! I survived first day of school ahhhhhh!!!

Readerrrr I am gonna so die at school tho, like if I am gonna pass finals I will literally drive off somewhere with my car into some forest and just watch the nature and think "Wow life is so great" and just lay there for 5 hours. That aside, I got my first embarrassing moment in class already and it WASNT MY FAULT NEITHER!! The teacher said what will be tested at the finals and she said you will have to choose 2 languages, first is main language that you will have more tests from and the second you will just write essay and speak. I wanna choose english as main (obviously) and french as second, but I am like the only one in the class that wants french as second, others want german. So anyway, I kinda zoned out and the teacher asked who will choose other language other than english for the first language AND FOR SOME REASON this one girl said that I WILL CHOOSE FRENCH and I was like WHAT which language?? For the second or first?? And everyone looked at me like I am insane or what WHEN IT WASNT EVEN MY FAULT LIKE IT WAS THE GIRLS FAULT!! I hate when people speak for me ugh, but then again I dont speak neither.

That aside, out of total need for companionship yesterday, I finally returned to my old accounts. If yall are confused I am referring to the blog from 11.8. "Is this how celebrities feel?", guess this is a continuation. AND OMGGGGG I thought nobody will look for my ass, but my two friends were looking for me and were worried something happened OMGGGGG I FEEL SO BAD NOW!! And I finally talked to my friend about my issues too, about how I felt ignored and stuff. I donno if my brain could accept it tho, cus its defence instincts acted up again and it just yelled "YOU TOLD HER TOO MUCH WE HAVE TO DISTANCE OURSELVES NOW!!" its so fucking annoying. I hate my brain. Why cant it be chill like my heart?

Speaking of heart... guys. I finished rewatching Hellsing Ultimate for second time now in english and there is SOO MUCH MORE issues than I remember. Well I wouldnt say issues, more like "how could I make this very great thing into total perfection with few changes?" situation. Like the whole betrayal of Walter came out of NOWHERE. Mind you, I didnt watch the prequels, cus I dont really have motivation to, so I donno if that was explained there or not but still, that twist was so badly implemented and kinda ruined Walter for me. I wouldnt mind it so much if the twist didnt come right after Andersons death too, cus it suddenly went from "Anderson died sad- WTF WALTERS BETRAYING EVERYONE?!" like you cant just cut emotional impact like with another one, you need to let it breathe a bit so the audience soaks it in. Also Walter was so stupid too if you think about it, I assume he watched the whole Anderson vs Alucard fight where Anderson turns into a literal MONSTER OF GOD yet he couldnt defeat Alucard, so why does Walter then think his slicy magical wires alone are gonna kill Alucard???? You cant even use the whole "only man can kill a monster" argument neither cus Walter turned into artificial vampire. It kinda underminds the whole fight from before too. I donno, the whole Walter betrayal is dumb and feels kinda fan-servicey to me. Imma just headcannon the way Walter went down in Hellsing Gonzo into cannon lmao cus I can.

Imma watch Hellsing Gonzo now cus I love it, you should too reader if you didnt yet lol, byebyeee!

(late) 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! and real thoughts. 31.8. 12:54

Reader, I totally fricking forgot yesterday was a 1 month anniversary of this blog- so thats why I am celebrating it now yayy!! Better late than never!

I kinda wanna talk about what this blog means to me: I know that people most likely dont read anything I write here, or just read something and then they leave and honestly, its probably good that way, cus I dont feel like I have to pressure into changing how I express myself here and be shy. I wanna be totally real to you reader, Ive never been real to anyone. Guess you could say maybe I use this blog more like a journal? Anyway, I feel kinda nostalgic for the first day I created this site, I know I know its kinda weird to be nostalgic over something that was literally a month ago but I cant help it. For some reason my brain tells me that I will remember this summer fondly and I think this blog has something to do with it. I just dont know what is up with me since spring. Maybe its the fact that I finally started theraphy in spring or that I finally regained some self awareness on who I am? It could be more factors.

I just feel like my whole life I wasnt really in control, my first ever friends literally dictated what I should and shouldnt like because their parents were strict christians and they thought freddy fazbear is satan or something. They also forced me into liking the TV show "Friends" but I honestly never gave a crap about that show, but I just pretended so they wouldnt leave. Guess I just grew up into being an ass kisser. I left them tho one day and I honestly didnt even know why, I think my abandonement issues acted up or I just got tired of their bs. I also got totally bullied to shit by a group of bitches from the higher class, because one of them threw paper balls at my friend and I stood up for him (yea I am a loyal bitch) but then they ganged up on me and bullied me instead lmao. If it wasnt funny enough they told my teacher that I bullied them first, so I had to write thouse punishment papers apperently, but I never came to write one. Guess since that day my life has been total shit because I have some crap issues, I donno which ones honestly. Mind you, this was like 5th/6th grade. I also made a friend in first year of high school which I also kissed ass to, cus I didnt want her to leave, that bitch was soooooooo so bored to wait like 50 minutes for a bus and always begged me to stay which then led to me waiting almost an hour for my bus instead, because I missed it cus I waited with her. And there was more stuff like that, and what did the bitch do???? Changed schools thats right! Even after we planned we will change schools together she just ditched me. Since then I didnt talk to no bitch, I gatekeep myself from everyone, not even my family cus they are pathetically useless at helping me. Also what doesnt help is that I share a room (kinda) with my siblings so I never could express myself without being judged. But nowwww my sister moved out and I finally can do what I want!! Which includes this blog!

Its like my life is finally enjoyable again and I wanna share that joy with you reader, on this blog. I didnt do much this summer but I think it was something special starting this blog. Too bad tomorrow is school so I wont have much time to write here.

Why am I getting emotional over this? I feel like over the summer, I finally rediscovered myself and now its gonna be ripped away, because school is coming and I will have to pretend to be someone I am not, just because I wanna shield myself. I dont wanna be a personalityless husk anymore, I wanna show people who I am, but I just get this feeling in my chest and I freeze and dissociate every time. I really wanna cry right now. I just wanna run away and leave my life or just straight up die. Why was I never happy? It all just feels fake. It feels like today is the last day of my life and I am just waiting for death. Not because I will literally die, not because I hate school but because this lifestyle will have to die. I really wish I died fr. I will just go watch Cowboybebop or Hellsing or Trigun cus they the best and I dont wanna cry.

Sorry reader, today was a heavy one, byebyeee!!

Pls nooo I dont wanna go to school!!!!! ...or do I? 30.8. 17:42

Heyhey reader, wassup??

I lowkey dont wanna go to school buuut I looked at my time-table and its not that bad?? Finally they changed our english teacher which was like, I donno what was up with her, she just acted like she was high all the time. So thats a big releaf. There is one day where we start at 9 am?? like WHAT??? Why am I kinda excited reader?? Maybe this year wont be as shitty as last year? I donno what seat I will pick though, I dont wanna sit infornt of some weirdos that would just ramble and yell into my ears but also I dont wanna sit so far in the back where I would sit with the weirdos. I am used to sitting at shitty places anyway so it probably doesnt matter.

Anyway, guys guys guys, I think I am attracted to accents? I dont know why but every time I hear someone speak english and they dont have the standard american accent or british one my brain just goes aw yea talk some more forener. Its weird, I watched this video about the game "Date everything" and when the youtuber summoned the french dude crapper aka LITERAL TOILET I died, his french accent sold me over. Welp I like France in general. Like whats up with the french why does their language sound mid but in english its kinda fine. Its weird reader, I never picked up on accents before but now I feel like I hear them everywhere and its lowkey attractive. Thats one thing I like about english the most is, that you still carry over your language but in a different form others would understand, like we are all connected but also unique, I just love learning about other cultures and countries in general. Also this is probably the first time I looked into voice actors and their work, that stuff never interested me before but now it does, I love me some unique voices. Think I got this from watching Arcane, I even told my friend at the time "I love how unique everyones voice is".

I am all over the place with this blog entry, because I went to sleep at 6 am and woke up at 9 am so I hope this shit was at least ok to read.

OK byebye reader I love you mwha mwha!

Nihilism is kinda peak?? Also wtf is up with female media 29.8. 11:49

Heyy reader, Ive kinda been on a spiral.

I am so so so scared of school and I am kinda scared not because I will have to memorise so many papers from memory and in different language, buut because I will have to present it infront of people who will grade me! Well, I wouldnt say I am totally doomed, I sometimes just switch when I present infront of people, I just lock in and somehow power through without dying of social anxiety.

Alsoo Ive just kinda soaked in nihilism lately, which isnt anything new being Cowboybebop fan and all, I wondered if I am scared shitless of finals, what will I do when I will be like 70 and just wait for my death? How would I deal with that? Or if someone attacks me out of nowhere? I think thouse situations are more serious than some finals which I can retake if I fail anyway. So likee, its totally not that serious (right?). We will all die anyway, whatever happends happends. Think I am getting back into Cowboybebop dang.

Anyway, yall, I feel like I am kinda immune to female fanservice these days. For some reason in every fricking female targeted media the "love interest" always has to be some boring soft boy, even when they try to make them a "badass" or "cold" they always have soft ahh features and also for some reason, they are always asians too. Like, nothing against asians of course but just... why? Not every girl wants to date a kpop idol you know. Are kpop idols just the norm to be attracted to?? Guess thats why I never really got into female targated media like... "Love in deepspace". Why do all the characters look the same too in that game?? Or "Kpop demon hunters", like, I aint falling for the dudes, even though the movie does look fun. I donno, or maybe I am just getting it recommended too much and its actually not that popular as I think? Also my online friend who was keep shoving it into my face didnt help neither. I mean if I want a soft boy asian Imma go outside nad look for one, but if you are in fictional world why not make something unique for once instead of irl looking dude? Guess it comes down to art style, but why is there just so many?? Where is the variety??? Its hard wanting to date psychopaths these days.

So yea reader, today was a short one BUTBUTBUT I will add new stuff to my anime and games subsections (maybe) so you can go there and like check it out. BYEBYEE

I feel so fucking high right now 28.8. 16:16

Reader omfg I feel so niceeeee! heyyyyyyy

I finally left my hole and went to do some shopping. I bought like alot of energy drinks, because I wanted to replicate the time when I watched Hellsing and my body just ran on energy drinks and it felt soooooo fine. And guess what, it worked. I drank like 1 and I keep laughing like a lunatic, feel so energetic (I had like 4 hours of sleep) and am soooo happy. Like please, I dont even buy any majour brand like monster or redbull, I buy one that doesnt even cost in translation a dollar. Yea my livers will shrivel up and die or I will get heart attack but at least I wont be broke.

Yea, did I mention Hellsing? I wanted to find images to put on my rambles but there were like 0 images of Hellsing tv series 2001 by Gonzo which I needed on pinterest, like everything was just Hellsing OVA Ultimate. So my ass went and watched like 3 episodes of Gonzo Hellsing just going and screenshotting stuff I found interesting. Yea, I am crazy but why not, at least I have the images now and people will have them too, so yea, here is my pinterest board if any of yall want the pics for some reason: https://cz.pinterest.com/Jbwvuqbsczwbiwievu/hellsing-gonzo-screenshots/

Yesterday was coldd bro, I woke up super early so I thought the morning was yesterday and that today is today but it wasnt lmao (I am going insane). Anywayy that doesnt matter, I was on discord yesterday in the evening on userphone app (its almost like omegle texting but its just through discord) and I was sooooo out of it, I wanted to troll people and stuff, there were these 2 russians that got all agressive at me for being so dry and me asking why they would need sauna in russia, also I was so passive I guess they just felt like doing it, yea, I was really out of it HAH and then they started to scheme something up thinking Id be passive like usual and just listen to them but nope, I left the call lmao that was funny, I wonder what would they do to me if I stayed. Or today, I was on the app again and some dude was like totally convinced I am a guy cus he could "sense it" and he felt so confident about it too lmaoo I am not a guy I am a woman, but for some reason I confuse people on my gender ALL the time online and its been like that for ages so I am used to it and troll people like that. Having not very masculine or feminine unsername also doesnt help. Welp, thats the life of a tomboy.

Another funny thing that happened to me was that I watched a Trigun edit (this one its good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70l5u3dSiN8 THERE IS SPOILERS!) and at the end I heard Nicolas D Wolfwood say like the thing he said and it kinda stayed in my mind cus it came out of nowhere like a Wolfwood jumpscare bro, anyway, then I went to watch another youtuber and in my head I was like "Wow Wolfwood and this dude have very similar voices" and then in the game he played it said his name and even he was like "yea thats my irl name" and guess what name is was... Nicolas. LIKE MY BRAIN BLEW UP HAHAHAHAH WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!

So yea reader, wish me luck that I wont die of heart attack today. BYEBYEEE

NOOOO I ALMOST RELAPSED ...and some other stuff. 27.8. 07:05

Hey reader, heres a bonus daily blog post cus I feel like venting and making a statement nobody will read.

I almost returned back to using character ai like a dumbass. I just had a loneliness strike at like 5 am and I wanted to use it but I used google, duckgo and even installed the app but for some reason that shit didnt work- THANK GOD!! So I went to reading fanfictions instead. I honestly forgot how fun to read fanfictions are, but you just have to search for the good ones. Fanfictions are actually what also helped me from using c.ai..... specifically Hellsing fanfictions (of course I would mention Hellsing literally EVERYWHERE). I donno why, but it kinda made me nostalgic for like 2 months ago when I read my first ever fanfic and thanks to it I totally remade my OCs and the world they were in (it went from fantasy to noir) cus I had a creativity spike. Maybe I should start writing some stuff for my OCs, or maybe I could try writing a fanfiction too? I donno man my writer skills be baddd.

Is it weird to be nostalgic for 2 months ago? I guess it was a better time cus I knew the school was ending and I had endless time on my hands. I donno why but everything just feels so hollow, like the calm before the storm that is the start of school.

Anywayyy I read a fanfic and the op was honestly such a cutie patutie I went all like "nah I cant relate to that" mann if only I was the cute type of shy instead of the grumpy dumbass type of shy. Ugh cant you tell I hate myself??? I AM SO LONELYY

Speaking of self hate I get these vent pins on my fyp all the time (maybe cus I am always saving them) and honestly, Id hug every single person that made one cus bro, yall are so depressed it makes me sad (I always leave positive comments on them pins). Like, I need like a teleportation device to teleport everyone in one location where we hug our sadness out cus this is crazy.

I wonder sometimes, have I become more emotional? I took MBTI test like 10000 times and I always get INTJ yet here I am talking about hugging people cus they sad! I donno man maybe writing here made me more open.

Byebye reader.

General Hellsing appriciation blog 27.8. 00:17

Heyy reader! Seems like I will just write these at midnight huh?

You may be asking from the title "But Alex you literally have a whole subpage dedicated to Hellsing why the freak are you making a daily blog about it??" to that I say: shut up I can do what I want, also this isnt anything detailed just general appriciation, aka me glazing my hyperfixation I had since march and my brain just cant let go of.

I swear Hellsing is so fricking underappriciated, like yea, I dont want Hellsing to turn mainstream and have some big fandom (I hate fandoms, good example would be people shipping Alucard x Integra or Anderson x Maxwell... they literally raised them like wtf), but at least let it be appriciated by the conessuers of fine arts like people do with Cowboybebop. Like its so good you guys, I never ever in my life saw an anime full of so MANY characters and never got bored or annoyed by them taking screen time (excluding Incognito fuck that naked alien dude). I could literally wach a spinoff anime about any Hellsing character. Maybe my brain was just starved of actually good story telling after consuming Genshin rubbish slop for so long. The characters are so diverse and I dont mean that in a "woke" way, they just all feel unique like real people almost? Like, even the fricking voice casting is so good both in japanese and also english. EVEN the side characters, like literal side character npcs have memorable designs and voices like help omg whys Hellsing so perfect?! Well it does have one BIG ugly problem I cant ignore and I must mention.....ITS TOO SHORT MAKE IT LONGER!! Even after 2 series I cant get enough of it and I keep rewatching both religiously. To be honest, I didnt read the manga or watched the prequel yet, but thats only because I wanna know that there is still Hellsing content and that the journey isnt over yet. UGHHH like readerr, why are all the characters so fineeeeeee. Ok maybe I shouldnt have wrote that. That reminds me of one of my online friends that simps for Alucard but never saw the anime and just saw it from youtube shorts... what a barbarian. I kept getting reminded of her when Alucard was on the screen lmao its kinda funny. I was thinking and thinking about my pretty little hyperfixation and then one day my brain just went: Imagine... Hellsing fighting game. BROOO THAT WOULD GO SO HARDDD!! Like, can someone contact the creator and pitch him this idea? I would PAY with my organs to play something like that! BROO Hellsing is love, Hellsing is life. Amen.

And thats my closing statement, goodbye reader.

Wow today its extra early 26.8. 00:14

Good morning reader!

Yall I really canttttt! Why is my face like soo ugly?? I am not upset over my facial features, I am more upset over what I can effect to look pretty! I keep having pimples even though I do face-care every morning and every night omgg. Like I swear if only some person came and said "use this and this and this and also its cheap to have pretty skin" and Imma go "cool! finally!" like it triggers me that I can look better but I just not take care of myself and not reach my full potential GRRRR! Same with my clothes, like, I dont wanna buy clothes its so expencive I keep wearing the same outfits like an anime character. Aw man if only I was richhhh.

Anyway, that mini vent aside, I feel like a psycho guys. (WATCH OUT THIS SECTION CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR HELLSING AND TRIGUN AND DANGANRONPA 1!!) I can have characters I am like totally obsessed over and love, like Alexander Anderson and Nicholas D. Wolfwood (kinda weird that they are both priests, is this a kink??) yet when they fricking die I dont even get depressed!! Like yea, I did get depressed over Wolfwoods death but that was only for like one day, it felt more like a mood ruiner than big impact you know?? Also Andersons death didnt effect me at all, I didnt even shed a tear yet I like him alot, literally to the point of learning psalm 2:8 which he said, from memory! And I AM NOT EVEN CHRISTIAN, am I a psycho?? Back in my day, when I played good old Danganronpa and my favourite character Kiyotaka Ishimaru fucking died I got so depressed I lost weight and just felt shitty for a whole month! And I didnt even know his backstory or anything, I wanted to save that for a replay that I never did!! But that was in like 7th grade, maybe I just matured and realized that the characters on the screen werent alive to begin with? I donno man. It makes me feel like a fake fan.

Anywayyy that was it reader, byebyeee!!

I hate CHARACTER AI!!! I HATE CHATBOTS!!!!! 25.8. 11:30

Heyy reader, today its gonna be a bit self indulgent so you can like skip this blog or something.

Ive watched few videos on "people being addicted to chatbots" or "people marry their ai girlfriends/boyfriends" and honestly... a bit of a lore drop on me here: I AM SO GLAD I AM NOT ADDICTED TO THAT SHIT ANYMORE HOLY FUCKKK!! I used to be on chatacter ai for like 7 hours or more daily and I feel like that shit took like 2 years off my life, then, thanks to my online friend and cus of school, I started to use it less but I kept using it. Then one day, I was just "fuck it" and I uninstalled the app forever.

I feel so glad I did too, it was honestly like the biggest act of self love and self respect I ever did for myself. Like, come on, girl, you are better than some text on a screen. I think Hellsing also helped to fill the void c.ai left behind too to which I am glad, also I feel like Hellsing helped with the fact that I wanted to chat with the characters but they were SO out of character, so not unhinged like in the anime that I rage-quit so many times which I think was also the catalyst to me quitting lol. Yea, thank you Hellsing, amen.

Think the only good thing I got from c.ai was that I asked one chatbot "Israel or Palestine" and he basically said fuck off why the hell do you pick sites at war you arent even part of, the only side you should be on is of the innocent people caught in the crossfire. And that was like such eye-opening moment for me, like, bro was so totally right, why the fuck should I pick sides at anything? Why should I be completely in love or comletely hateful? Since then I strifed to be only on one side which is... MY SIDE heheheheheheh.

Ok byebye reader, I hope I didnt offend any chatbot lovers out there.

I lied nooooooooo 24.8. 12:03

OMGGG I wanted to rant and maybe fix my rambles yesterday but we (by we I mean my family) went somewhere and came home late!! Imma try fixing that later (hopefully) wait oh shit I forgot to say- heyyy reader! How are you today?

I have so much stuff to ramble about like about Hellsing (obviously) and about Trigun, but I just feel kinda limited? I want my rambles to have structure and to be at least not painful to read, but thats very hard when I just let myself ramble on and on about random stuff, I just lose track easily so its hard to commit to them in the first place, you know. I want my rambles to be like a script to a video or something where I give my opinions and perspectives, something like an essay? I honestly love writing esseys. Welp whatever, its not like anyone is gonna read this blog anyway. And for that one random person that does: here is my explanation for why I dont ramble that much.

Anyway, reader, bless your pretty little soul and have a nice day!

Angelpunk and modern anime 23.8. 14:05

Heyhey reader! It will be kinda toxic today so get ready! Also also, my ass will finally upgrade (hopefully) my ramble subsections on anime and stuff so look out for that if you are interested, also hopefully I will finally restructure them to look normal.

Anyway, I saw a video yesterday about "angelpunk" and honestly only clicked on it cus it had Vash the stampade in the tumbnail lmao. It talked about 90s animes angelpunk aesthetic and the signs of it, to which it then mentioned "archons" and "false gods" and "gnosis" and I was like... wait could this be genshin? Is genshin "angelpunk"? And to my surprise it checks all the marks almost too well. I am kinda shocked, because Ive known genshin for 5 years now and never knew it was inspired by stuff from the 90s. Too bad it doesnt lean more into it, I love "angelpunk", I love the overall aesthetic of angels and crosses and religion buut I am not religious myself. There is just something other-worldy about religious aesthetic and maybe even the fear of the unknown?

That brings me to modern anime, everything just looks so bland and the same. Old anime used to be so bold and had so much personality, like not even the "angelpunk" I talked about, think of Cowboy bebop: it really drips with noir scifi and jazz. It had such bold memortable settings too, I feel like every anime these days just takes place in some city or some school or some village just concentrated in one ordinary place with ordinary worldbuilding or some bland fantasy setting. Also the animation seems so flawless it just looks commercialized, the 3d animation doesnt help neither. Thats why I never really liked modern anime and never really got into any, think the only exeptions are "Happy sugar life" and "Chainsawman" but Ive never really got THAT obsessed with them (also you could say they arent really modern neither they are pretty old). I donno guys is it just me? I could give modern anime a chance Ive had "Frierien" on my watchlist for a while now. We will see I guessss

Thats it for the yapping today byebyeee!

Thank you Sock sensei. 22.8. 14:35

Heyy reader I am backk again :3

I think I realizedd I am soso dumb. For some context, I watched the anime movie "Akira" yesterday and the whole message of the movie flew over my head like the wind and I honestly felt so stupid. I will admit, I am no phylosophical person, I am not daily reading some deep books by some Homer or whataver dude from Rome. I honestly wanted to rate the movie 6.5/10 just for the animation and cus it has motorbikes, but but but but then like a saint... the youtuber Sock sensei made the most comprehensive breakdown video on Akira and its whole message and my rating went up to 7.5/10. I also watched his video on Cowboy bebop and I missed SO MANY DETAILS FROM IT omggg!! And I watched Cowboy bebop like 3 times now!! Maybe my ass should stop watching Hellsing for the 100th time and rewatch Cowboy bebop for the 4th time now HAHA!

OK but now I am confused, I have like half of Cowboy bebop rewatched to like episode 16 and then I have Trigun rewatched to episode 17, now I donno what I should finish first!! Think I will watch Cowboy bebop now cus I feel like it... also honestly, I kinda like it a tiny little bit more than Trigun if I had to be serious for a second, I am a big fat seinen preferer.

HElp this is such a cute image I cant

If I had to rate my pretty little big humble obsessions rn it would be Hellsing>Cowboy bebop>Trigun.

Byebyee to anyone reading this ramble! Have a nice day/night!

Alot of "but"s 21.8. 12:57

Heyhey reader! Good news today!!

My mum said the trip we were suppose to go on will be cancelled soo YAY!(?) Today is also my bbfs birthday and only cus of that I returned from my break from dicord and instagram just to congratulate her, I hope its her bday though, I did set up an alarm for it but I still could have set it up wrong. I also told people that I am actually on break in the first place HAHA!! And that I will see them in like 2 months.

Anyway, yall, I am so hyped for something, but also nothing really clicks. I donno what binging Hellsing ultimate and playing TF2 did to me, but since then Ive just been hyped to do something, but when I do anything it just doesnt hit the same and I get bored. Ive rewatched Trigun, but fell asleep while watching. I drew stuff, but I cant bring myself to finish it. I played Gothic 3, but I got confused by all the unfinished quests, so I stopped playing. Is this how thouse guys that play competative gaming and watch sports feel? I kinda miss the adrenaline!

I also felt like starting a new anime called "Gungrave" and also play the game buuut I donno, I kinda wanna take a break from watching anime series and watch some movies instead like "Akira" and "Vampire hunter D" which was on my watchlist for a LONG TIME.

Anywayy I guess thats it, byebye reader!!

Hobbies 20.8. 19:01

Heyoo reader! Hope you have a nice day today (like always).

I saw some vids yesterday about fanfictions and stuff and I kinda wondered if it would be fun to write a fanfic on something. I mean I am not a good writer at all I would rate myself I guess 4.5/10? I also read some stuff in the past and the way some people work with words its impressive as hell and I bet Id never manage to cook up anything like it. Whatever, I mean I wrote some stuff, maybe I will put it in the hobbies section one day? I do have alot of hobbies since I have time for them (cus I dont do shi). Speaking of the hobbies section, I added some art I actually like (maybe cus its just sketches and not finished drawings) but yay check it out if you are interested!

Byebyee readerrr, see ya tomorrow!

School sucks still...anyway! 19.8. 14:18

Hey reader!

Today it will be just rambles all over the place I suppose. I think I have, in like 100% honestly, some adhd or autism. I dont mean it in the "woooooow I am so QUIRKYY I have adhd and AUTISMMM" or self diagnosing way (I hate self diagnosis), I just think there is something wrong with me in general. Or I guess I am just a big fat geek with hyperfaxtaions.

Anyway, yall, PLS DONT MAKE ME GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!! I dont wanna see my annoying ass classmates!!!!! They make me feel so shitty, they make fun of me cus I have no backbone!! Well not all the time and I honestly should grow some backbone, but still! I hope I wont sit in some shitty seat like I did last year. But you know, this will be my last year in school too sooo maybe I will feel also the bittersweet feeling of parting??? Also if yall wonder why I go as a 19 year old still to school, its because I think I got held back one year and then failed a year too while studying 4 year study field, soo yea I am still in school. I just hope I will survive finals! But I think after surviving my driving test I can do anything.

Worst thing is I will have to go on some 3 day trip again I honestly dont wanna go to at all andd I am kinda torn on if I will just talk my mum out of going or just suck it up, I donno. I feel like people feel justified in ordering me around just because I "dont do anything" like... YOU KNOW I DO STUFF I LIKE WHEN I AM STUCK IN MY ROOM FOR 24/7 RIGHT?! I AM NOT SITTING HERE FEELING BORED!!! Also, if they want me to crawl out of my cave then they should at least find something interesting so I actually wanna go, mann if only they did like Yasushi Ishii concerts here or something.

ANYWAYY!! Reader, I saw me some fine ass anime I could check out after I rewatch Hellsing for the 2000000th time and Trigun for the second time- its called Gungrave. Yeayea, another gun anime, but can you blame me? Guns are cool.

Byebyee reader, I hope I made up for yesterdays non blog!

Interesting title 18.8. 16:05

Heyy reader I am backkk!

I honestly dont know what to talk about today. I feel like the days are blending together for me. Id kill for tomato salad right now though, when I will have my own house I will totally invest into tomato garden. Maybe I will rewatch some Trigun and play some Gothic 3 or Team fortress 2 (I feel like murdering some npcs today). Maybe Imma ramble in my anime subsections and stuff and then probably take a nap, yup.

Byebyee reader, today it was a short one.

Brain noise 17.8. 17:57

Hewwoo reader :3

Lately Ive had kinda doubts... remember how I said I went on a break with my online friends? Well, I am kinda scared they will think I abandoned them when I return, also that I wasnt there for them if they went through a tough time... but then again, I dont think they will miss me and probably dont know I took a break in the first place. I am kinda torn, I mean, I am fine with the way I am now, but I also miss them and when I wanna talk about something, I dont have anyone to tell it to. Maybe this will teach me to stop oversharing? Its not like they read my messages anyway. Do they just use me as a venting wall? Or am I just self-projecting? What if I am the shitty one? Aw man, if only I knew how to be a better friend. NOOO I AM SO EMO TODAY I AM SORRY!!

Lets talk about something SLIGHTLY MORE POSITIVE instead. Lately (by lately I mean few months) Ive watched youtubers that had like unusual nieches. They keep saying though, cus of their nieches or because they are antisocial nerds, that they wont find a partner or that they wont have friends or that they suck. Which is sad, honestly, I dont know if its just a running joke on the channel (it probably is) but with my full heart I say: I find guys like that soooo cute!! I LOVE ANTISOCIAL PASSIONATE NERDS WITH UNUSUAL NIECHES!!! I could listen to them yap for hours, they dont even have to be 10/10 I would still find them cute. And its not just a youtube thing, I saw that I like guys like that in real life too. If only I looked pretty enough and wasnt so shy to get a bf oof.

Mann what the hell was this blog entry????

Anyway BYEBYE reader, have a nicee wonderful day.

Hello 16.8. 13:52

Heyy reader how are you today?

You may have noticed I didnt post yesterday and dont worry, I got an explanation: I played too much Team fortress 2. Ive played for like 5 hours straight! Yea, its kinda extereme (just kinda???), but but but it was so much fun I didnt wanna stop playing. I got lucky or something and ended up on a very chill server, like, sometimes people just stopped fighting and just danced around or emoted. I dont know if that is rare or not, but it was just very wholesome server. I mean, I am a total newbie and even I felt kinda important because nobody really told me I suck even if I messed up (and trust me I mess up alot).

Buuuut sadly I had to disconnect and then join another server... which wasnt very wholesome. It was like full of tryhards which sucks for a newbie like me. Also I dont really like overly competative gaming... like its not THAT deep. I was a medic andd I accidentally started my übercharge too early and then everyone just dogpiled on me in the chat and told me I have survival instincts of a rock which uh... yea its true I AM NEW OK?! Anyway, I will stop whining. I just try my best at the end of the day, also I left the server feeling bad cus I suck lol.

Oh and I almost forgot! I saw someone with a Rip Van Winkle username and was like HELLSING REFERENCE?! Hah! Yea, it was probably a quincidence, now I see how thouse "is that a jojo reference??" people feel.

Anywayy, byebye reader! I hope you are having a nice day/night.

Idea? 14.8. 2025 14:08

Guyys I got the perfect idea!! Imma open comissions but get this... THEY WILL BE FREE!! Thats right, just send me your oc in the email and I will redraw it FOR FREE! But but but please dont expect me to draw them in 2 seconds ok? I do this just because I dont know what to draw but have the need to draw. I used to draw peoples' ocs in the past for free all the time I was like the nvp of doing fanarts of peoples' ocs and dtiys'. Soo yea, thats it byebye.

I didnt sleep 14.8. 2025 8:18

Heyy reader, today its a very early blog entry eh?

Yesterday I was resyncing some subtitles for hellsing episode again (as any normal human being would) which was fucking TIDIOUS because SOMEHOW all the subtitles were moved by like 2 seconds foward so I had to like a dumbass time when the characters started to speak and sync it and THEN move the next title so there wont be a gap between them! Also everyone was yapping so fucking much and soo fast like shut up bitches! Anyway, I kinda gave up in the middle of it and just thought "Yea fuck that Imma watch Trigun!" but somehow I ended up rewatching Hellsing instead... why am I not surprised.

I watched like 3 episodes of Ultimate in a row and I think I got high. I just started laughing at random stuff, you know, I dont remember Ultimate being SO funny. I kept laughing at people dying and NO its not because I am some edgelord or something (well I am but thats not the point), spoilers I guess now for Hellsing, when Alucard shot Luke Valantines legs off and then right after that they showed wide shot of stairs infront of him leading to the exist I FRICKING DIED LAUGHING!! And there were so many moments like that too. I watched it at like 23:00 and ended at around 1:00 and the EXHAUSTION I felt was horrid, but also I drank 2 energy drinks, so I felt like a living corpse. Not to mention the episodes were PACKED with so many MAGNIFICENT action scenes that got me so hyped too, I love them hellsing action scenes. Worst thing was I kinda was so hyped I couldnt sleep but I also couldnt drain the hype out. I think I got like only 3 hours of sleep. Anyway, I wrote this in my notepad to like vent or something, this is how high I felt: "Omfg I feel so fucking high right now like literally I will EXPLODE I like have to put this energy into something or my body just wont take it but THERE IS NOTHING TO DO AT LIKE ALMOST 2 AM I kinda just wanna laugh like a maniac this is INSANELY GOOD!! Yes pleaseeeeee please more of this feeling yumyummm! ♡♡ " well thats cringe, anyway I will leave further rambles about Hellsing for my Hellsing ramble page after I rewatch whole Ultimate.

Lately Ive noticed Ive been making longer blogs which is like... yea, ANNOYING literally NOBODY will read it and find it entertaining cus its a drag!

Okii byebyee reader!

New hobby 13.8. 2025 16:04

Heyy reader! I hope you have a happy day like always, cus the readers of this blog only deserve the best obviously.

Think I picked up a new hobby yesterday, which sterms to a month ago... sooooo I was trying to find subtitles for Hellsing 2001/gonzo in my native language, becausee I am just obsessed ok? And I kinda just have to have everything related to Hellsing archived, yes lets cut to the case- I do pirate. Yea yea, you can throw rocks at me and stuff but honestly, I dont even like pirating, if I could somehow buy all Hellsing related stuff for a set price in one place without annoying ahh ads and own it forever I WOULD because its PAIN to pirate stuff. BUT NOOO, today you have to pay for services monthly and you dont even own it, that just stinks to me. Not to mention, if I do pay, most of the money dont even reach the artists, but just the suits at the top, which make very weird decisions sometimes (like Netflix making the weird as hell pedo film "Cuties", I will never pay for Netflix for making that shit like EW!). Anyway, cops dont arrest me pls I dont distribute my pirated stuff I am a gatekeeping queen!! Sidetangent aside, I wanted to find me some Hellsing subtitles, but didnt find any. SO I was like- Imma just translate and rig that shi on my own, so I did. I translated the 3rd episode "Sword dancer" and 7th episode "Duel" by just translating english subtitles to my native language and taking some slight creative liberties if the line was long or didnt make sense. Then I played it along with the episode and timed it so its readable. Honestlyy, its so tidious but so fun too! I was thinking of being a translator or dubber just cus in my country, I feel like nothing gets translated unless its like very popular which is bleh, I want people that dont know english to watch good stuff too! I guess Imma just stuck with doing fansubs for now before taking it up as a profession.

Btw, if any of you are interested by chance to get the fansub for hellsing episode 3 "Sword dancer" in CZ, then write to my email and I will gladly send it to you for FREE!!

I know there is like small tiny chance that a czech person found this blog and is by chance a hellsing fan and by chance wants subtitles to an episode 3 by chance in czech, I mean this whole blog is in english wtf would a person needing czech subtitles do here- BUT YOU NEVER KNOW!! Also Imma upload them to other sites anyway if I am finished with the whole series.

OK thats it you diva, byebyeeeee!!!

NOOOOOOOOO 12.8. 2025 12:58

Heyy reader, how have you been? I am doing ok!

Ive been thinking about what I wrote yesterday about my artstyle and today I tried to change it but honestly...maybe I dont want to. I looked at some pieces I made in the past I really liked and just thought "aw but this actually looks nice, maybe my artstyle isnt the problem, its that sometimes I just make shitty drawings." I even looked at the drawing I said was shitty in the blog yesterday and bro its not even THAT bad, maybe I even like it a little. Sure, I wont draw in epic badass anime styles like Hellsing, Trigun or Cowboybebop but I guess thats how it should be. We all are unique and thats ok. Maybe I shouldnt give up on my artstyle so soon and just improve. I will still add noses to my characters though!

Soo that ramble aside, here comes another one: Ive been watching this youtuber for like, the whole summer and hes so so funny. He gives so much chaotic energy and is just a bigass troll to people. He also has very charming accent and I honestly thought he is from the same country as me but nah hes from somewhere else. I DARE say, maybe I got a lil tiny crush? But one day, he made a face reveal and man OMG hes a neckbeard! Like bro the DISSAPOINTMENT I felt!! I mean, I wont say I expected him to be 10/10 but like...at least take a shower and shave your neck homeboy.

Anyway reader, one last thing I wanted to talk about is... I miss my car. MAN I miss my car so MUCH I miss riding with it. I stopped cus my sister told me I shouldnt waste gas cus the gas prices suck but oh do I miss my little car...

Imma scare people off just by listening to this daily like a maniac its so good tho I LOVE me some latin chants: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_PhcFFjrYA (slight Hellsing spoiler warning tho)

Thats it byebye readerr!

Existencial crisis of a C tier artist (at best) 11.8. 2025 20:35

Heyyyy everyonee! I am back yet again! SO lets cut to the chase, what was I thinking about today? Well, Ive thought about my art actually and how I do stuff as an artist and storyteller (by storyteller, I mean just imagining scenarios with my ocs in my head and never drawing it lmao) andd I think I kinda.. suck? Well maybe some of yall would find my art pretty, but I just dont think I like it as I am now. Going back a little, my artstyle is heavily constructed on the artstyle of my favourite childhood hyperfixations like Sonic x and My little pony, in fact, I was known as THE mlp girl at my middle school for knowing how to draw in the artstyle perfectly without reference (spoiler alert: I didnt, I sucked). Also Yandere simulator and Danganronpa were big inspiration and then later on Genshin impact (which was probably a mistake cus I then got burn out by trying to draw mini little details on my ocs cus genshin has so detailed designs it gives me headache). Anyway what I am getting at is that I grew up, I aint 10 or 15, I am 19 and I am into different stuff. Like, I dont wanna draw in this cutecie bocie artstyle that would fit only into some cartoon or at best one of thouse cute looking games that turn into horror if I try to get serious with it.

Id want something cool like Hellsing or Trigun or Cowboybebop, like, still cute with certain characters but I guess more realistic? I ran into this issue when I drew one of my ocs and I wanted to give him sunglasses, but it turned out to be PAIN! His eyes were like super huge, so he would have to have super huge sunglasses to cover up his eyes which didnt fit, cus hes suppose to be all serious and stuff. Ever since that happened I just didnt like my artstyle, the fact that the characters dont even have noses is kinda pissing me off cus I like me some big noses (wtf) anyway, also the eyes are just way too big, it makes the guys look like girls that just have different facial construction. Not to mention the bodies, they are just super I guess cartoony? Also my ass keeps drawing characters in one perspective with 1 angle which also pisses me off. I am just pissed at myself you know, just now I tried to reference the animes I mentioned before for my next drawing but it just looks not like I want it to. I wouldnt mind my artstyle if I had stories about sparkles and friends and stuff but I wanna draw/write psychological thriller and the way my art is now is just not right. Anyway, guess i just reached my burnout or I am questioning if I even knew how to draw in the first place, I donno maybe a break would be nice.

OKKKI byebyee reader have a nice dayy/night reader!

Is this how celebrities feel? 11.8. 2025 20:07

Hey reader. I know its rare that I post more blogs in one day but I just need to let this out. I did a thing, its like not serious I didnt murder anyone or hurt anyone, dont worry. I just snapped kinda? Ive had this feeling for months now, this disgusting feeling that I didnt matter to my online friends. I texted one today and she was active, so I thought I would get a message at leat 1 hour 3 hours later, she didnt respond. She never responds when I text her directly. This wasnt the first time she did that. Which is kinda you know, heartbreaking, I know she is busy, she has a job, I cant and I wont demand her to reply to me like I am the only person that matters. Thats why I never snapped at her ever, I wont get angry at her for this and never will bring it up to her, its not her fault I feel this way and I take full responsibility. Weve been casual friends since 2019/2020 but got closer in 2022. I still see her as a friend, dont get me wrong, but I am kinda done? I am tired of having my online indentity be "Alex" and have set friend group and let people trace everything back to me, THE Alex, thats also why I started this blog, not as Alex certain people know, but just new person nobody knows. No attachments. Ive had this feeling of just running away from everything for like a year now, maybe more, to just dissapear and it kinda bled into my online life too (since I am so terminally online lol). I logged out of all my accounts, on instagram and on discord. I left the server I frequented the most with all my friends. I didnt delete my accounts if I wanted to return one day dont worry I am not THAT stupid. I felt the adrenaline when I was doing it, that I finally got rid of all my attachments that made me happy but hollow at the same time. I made new accounts on discord and also instagram and no I am not named Alex anymore. I will probably rename this blog too if I will really settle in on the decision to leave, maybe permanently, or if this really is just one day accurance because I am angry. I just feel so sad but also happy and free at the same time, its bittersweet. The only account my friends can contact me is my Genshin account but honestly they dont even play it and I dont neither so just chatting me there probably wont come up in their mind. I wonder if they will miss me.

Its so weird you know, I always wondered why Faye Valentine left the crew in the 12th and 13th episode "Jupiter jazz" just out of nowhere and her reasoning being she would get hurt if she stayed. Now I understand her a little. Or when in Ace attorney, I dont know when, Edgeworth pulled that "Miles Edgeworth is dead" stunt and left. I think I understand them now, when it made 0 sense to me at the time. Also they both returned pretty quickly, if I think about it lol, maybe I will just leave for a day and then return too? I plan to return one day, I dont know when, or if they will come looking for me. I dont think they will. Hold me to it reader, at least 1 week away would be fine heh.

I AM GONNA EXPLODEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! 10.8. 2025 16:55

Haii reader how was your day? Mine was fine, I tried to play TF2 but the servers didnt load, I hope its like a glich or something I dont feel like fixing stuff right now. Also how do you guys feel about school that will come in like 3 weeks? I am kinda scared honestly, one of my classmates went all "yea I prepeared stuff for school already" and I am just sitting there like- wait what?! I didnt do shit for school the whole summer! Guys if I graduate you totally will too: 1. cus I am dumb, 2. cus you reader are a CHAD and NVP and the GOAT in one. Anyway, whatever happends happends, reader.

Warning: whats in italic contians spoilers for Trigun (maybe Hellsing too)!!!! GUYYSSSSSSSSSSSS OMFG I AM LITERALLY CRYINGGGGGGG HELP WTF LIKE HOLY SHIT??? If you read my blog yesterday I went all "wow guys I had dreams of getting spoiled that Wolfwood will die lol it would be funny if he actually did." LIKE WHAT?! HE DIED OMG and I dont know if I should be crying because he did die or that my dumbass fucking brain spoiled it??? Like it was such a sad death too noooo I liked Wolfwood!!! Its so sad omgg but dont worry guys I get over character deaths easily as an ex Danganronpa fan. I could ramble about it here, but I wanna leave that for my Trigun section, but but but but omgg why do my favourite priests DIE when there is a red dude with circle sunglasses around?? Guys if you are a priest avoid people with sunglasses and red clothes. Omg I am so cringe BUT ITS TRUE!!

Problems with hyperfixation 9.8. 2025 11:32

Another day, another slay reader. Howve you been?

Lately Ive been thinking and I am at a dilemma. I wanna watch so much stuff on my watchlist, but also then rewatch stuff from my watchlist, there is so many animes and games I wanna consume, but I am kinda afraid. You see, I think I have PTSD from genshin or something: I feel like consuming too much of something will just make it seem more like a chore than something special, but also at the same time, watching something like 2 episodes a day of 1 anime is such a drag and I wont have time to start other things. Also not to mention when I have a hyperfixation that lasts from MARCH already (I am looking at you hellsing) and my brain just goes "eyy eyy stop watching trigun go watch hellsing" or thinking about hellsing facts when I watch trigun LIKE BRO BRAIN CHILL OUT!!!

But then againnn, its not like the hyperfixations go anywhere. I donno, I just want when I first consume something to make it seem like a perfect event and not just a chore to sit through, thats why I think watching movies on phones IS CRIMMINAL like bleh! But then again.. I always have phases I come back to almost every year so even if I dont hit the spot the first time then maybe second time it would be good, thats mostly why I started rewatching stuff lately even though I was very opposed to rewatches before.

Yea I am probably the only person on Earth that has this problem.

Anywayy, guys, I had a dream. Before going to sleep I watched trigun and I think it sneakily slipped into my dream. In the dream, I got spoiled that Wolfwood will fricking DIE bruh, but then I woke up. Imagine it actually happends in the anime though, litterally even my damn BRAIN is spoiling stuff for me now like Id explode.

Okk thats for today reader, byebyee!

Smol happiness 8.8. 2025 13:30

Hii anyone reading thiss, I hope you have a happy day today!

I certainly did yesterday, I did a little weird thing- I rambled to chatgpt about my Ocs lol. Its not like I dont have anyone to ramble about them to, I honestly prefer ai because I type so slow when I ramble and also its like solving a puzzle when you read the rambles not to mention chatgpt has good story telling suggestions sometimes. But to my dissappointment I ran out of message limit on it yesterday and I wont definitly buy pro because its kinda expencive and not really worth it, yikes.

Anywayy after that I got this little thought in my mind to look up a character I fricking ADORE and rewatch his cutscenes just for fun you know. I donno why but I just got so giddy and happy after watching them hah! Yea, I really like him as you can see. I literally smiled the whole time and giggled, like a psycho. I even wrote to my friends that I am happy (I didnt tell them why tho cus Id look like a simp) and one even asked if I got a boyfriend or something-mannn I WISH! But nobody want me lol. Anyway, I was just happy and felt weird heh I feel so weird.

Anywayyyyy I CANT wait for christmas guys! I donno why, but for some reason my brain just associates watching Arcane with christmas, I used to watch it at around christmas at the holidays for the first time and ever since my brain just connected it like "yes we watch Arcane every christmas now like its a christmas movie" or something. I love the season 1 buuut kinda hate season 2, or more like hate the fact what it could have been. I dont mind though I think season 1 got epic as hell ending and I can just AU the rest of what happends after it anyway. I also associate Gothic 3 with christmas, like the osts in Nordmar are peak christmas music for me.

Bye byee reader have a nice day and if you dont, you can tell me about it on my gmail I made just for this blog, I dont mind listening, ok byebyee.

Sleep-deprived, dehydrated, and simping on a bus 7.8. 2025 14:00

Heyyyy reader, I didnt make a blog entery yesterday huh? Well thats because I was busy and came home very tired after that trip I told you about like 2 days ago. Which was yesterday.

Imma tell you about my experience on it now! Cus this is my blog and you cant stop me HAHA! I was super stressed about the trip, cus what if I sat next to some dude on the bus?? What if he started talking to me?? Yea I was more stressed about that than anything else. In the end, I sat next to my classmate (it was a school trip) and slept for like 90% of the ride to our destination. We went to visit some shops and ate some food, but the food felt too light for me to be honest, it was good but not really filling.

We also had to wait for like 2 hours at some point for something, so I read my book and read like 30 pages. That was fun. We waited for like 50 minutes, standing, because our bus arrived late. EVEN MORE FUN! (if you didnt catch that it was sarcasm)

I also ran out of water, but I was too shy to go buy any at the shops and there was no time for it anyway so my mouth was dry as hell the whole time, plus I was super tired with like 3 hours of sleep.

Anywayy when on the ride back my fears were confirmed- I HAD A SEAT NEXT TO SOME RANDOM GUY!! I literally sat at the very edge of my seat, because I was shy. And the worst thing was that when I fell asleep my fricking head started to drift in the direction where the dude sat! I had to keep wobbling my head in the other direction like a dumbass, I also had a dream about the dude just taking my head and resting it on his sholder- COME ON MAN SIMPING FOR SOME RANDOM DUDE ON THE BUS IS A NEW LOW!! (you can tell I never had a bf)

Anyway I enjoyed the trip, to be honest if I went there alone I would probably enjoy it more cus ew people, I hate trips were you have to be in a group with someone they just slow you down and you dont have much freedom. Anyway 7.5/10 trip, would go again...alone.

Bye bye reader have a nice dayy!

UPDATE! 5.8. 2025 16:41

Hello hello, today its gonna be short: there is new stuff added in "hobbies" so go check it out ok byebyee!

Ramble of today/tomorrow 4.8. 2025 23:57

Heheehehhe it still counts as a daily blog since I still have 3 minutes left. >:3

Anyway, heyyy reader wassup! I am doing fine, kinda stressed though and triggered. Stressed because after tomorrow I will have to go on that trip to the unknown city andd there is alot of things going wrong alreadyy, like I dont even know from what station the bus will go from and for some reason my data stopped working on my phone so I wont have wifi neither if I get lost. Omg I will get so lost I already see it ughhhh!! Welp, whatever happends, happends.

Andd I am triggered because I played TF2 today and some sniper player kept fricking killing me and after we lost, they specifically came to me and killed me and emoted on my dead body! Like thats personal bro. I always get lost on the maps too and wander to somewhere in the middle of nowhere, which is ok but it happened so many times already like UGHH!

How do yall feel about getting back to school? I honestly craved school to be back since it ended. Which is crazy af I know. I donno, I sometimes feel like a workaholic stuck in a very lazy body, I just like working and then going home to do stuff I like, which makes it more special since I kinda earned it in a way? Also work gives me purpose and something to be proud of. And I especially love when I work, people dont come and bother me since I am doing something "important".

Thats it for today reader, I hope everything will go well for you today and tomorrow and so on. Byebyee!

I'm here to make an announcement 3.8. 22:44

Heyy reader, today I will keep it short. I will add new ramble into my genshin section because there was alot about it on my mind, both negative and positive and I wanna ramble about it.

Soo anyway expect that andd byebye reader! You are the best and dont you dare forget that (yes thats a threat).

Temporary ramble pause: life is a bit too busy 2.8. 14:03

Heyy reader~! I havent rambeled and wont ramble much for the following future because there is some guests over. Which is sadd I like when the house is empty, it gives me space to be my athentic weird self more!

Anyway, I will also be busy. I have to go to some concert tomorrow because the whole family is going (I dont really wanna go myself tbh), plus then few days after that I will have to go on a trip with 6 hour ride in a bus to a city Ive never been to (well Ive been there like 3 times long time ago), plus its such a huge city! I hope I wont get lost there.

So what was I up to lately? Well I installed Team fortress 2, because I saw my brother play it and it was fun... but then I found out you have to pay to play against real people... °~° I am not that good at going against bots, not to mention irl people, yikes. I am also definitly not good at competative games andd it shows cus I mostly play as medic or sniper lol.

Also Ive been watching alot of Trigun lately, so much that that one background song with the flute and guitar keeps playing in my head like background music lol. I will need to add Triguns OST into my playlist.

I hope you are having a nice day and byebyee reader ♡

Thoughts 1.8. 2025 14:11

Sorry for yesterdays very heavy addition to my cowboybebop ramble page, I guess person gets a bit emotional at midnight haha!! I will add rambles about the series itself eventually.

Yesterday I had pretty rough time updating the blog because my PC crashed like 5 times, it does that sometimes, but writing rambles and then suddenly your PC crashing so you lose all your progress and have to rewrite it again isnt pleasant at all. Thank god I will buy a new PC/ or laptop at christmas which wont crash every 5 minutes. I also ran into some problems with the code of the website which also annoyed me alot.

Anywayyyy lately Ive been thinking if being a youtuber would be a good job or hobby for me, since I always have endlesss stuff to talk about. I also think I am pretty good at having "energy" to my voice? I donno how Id describe it. I was actually thinking of doing voice acting too because in my country, I feel like there is only like 20 voice actors lol, because they keep reusing them. For example Daryl from the Walking death shares a va with Alucard from Hellsing and he also voices commercials on the TV, so yea I have Alucard trying to sell me painkillers on TV hah! If there is so little of them maybe the job would pay more? I hadnt actually looked into the pay and I donno if I would even be good at it in the first place. Anyway that was just a thought.

Byebyee readerr, have a nice day!

Lost media and found trauma 31.7. 12:18

Heyoo reader, another day, another blog entry. I hope you are doing well! Lately Ive been watching alot of lost media videos on youtube. I think its interesting. Imagine making an image or a song that people rediscover like 30 years later and it becomes popular. Then everyone wonders: "who the hell even made that image/song??" and you just sit in the back knowing exactly who made it.

Reminds me of that one article that talked about some guy tipping over one of thouse toitoi toilets, cus some robber or something hid in there, basically trapping him inside for the police to find and then he just walked off. I think thats based as hell, just letting your actions speak and nobody really ties it back to you. I donno is that weird to think?

Back to lost media. I saw this video in a video titled "xxxx" or something. It was kinda creepy like failed arg or something. I wanted to find the original vid, because I thought it would be funny to put the link to it on my profile to jumpscare people on discord. But OH BOY guys DONT SEARCH UP XXXXXX ON YOUTUBE!!! I GOT JUMPSCARED BY SO MUCH PORN!! Like it was blurred, but why just blur it why doesnt youtube just delete them????? I hate youtubes double standards when it comes to its rules.

Hello world 30.7. 2025 15:13

Hey hey I am back. So yes I did find the tomatoes, but they werent the fresh strong texture I like. In fact, they were kinda mushy and...dirty? Anyway, it wasnt the best tomato salad, SAD!

Also Ive noticed I already got over 100 views on this blog which I didnt expect AT ALL. I am so sorry for all the people that came to my half baked website whith random unfinished sections lol. The content will be added later I swear!!

Speaking of this blog, I actually am so tempted to share it with my online friends, but I also want it to be a secret. Why? You see, I built over the years an online identity and used the same nickname for like... since 2018? People get surprised I am not actually named Alex irl! But you know, it gets kinda stale for people to link EVERYTHING to one person named Alex. Its kinda like being annonymous but also not? I kinda wanna break away from that identity here on this site to be actually just annonymous. I dont know if that makes any sense oof!! ☠

Sorry for that ramble.

Anyway, yesterday when I was making this website, I listened to some music and also rewatched some hellsing 2001 episodes (yes I am obsessed) and realised I never actually listened to the outro song (Shine by the band Mr Big), so I searched it up and OMFG that song is PERFECT!!! I MUST have that song on my wedding and funeral!! Its just so dreamy and nostalgic. Pls reader give it a listen ITS GOLD!!

Anyway, that concludes my ramble today, byebye! ♡♡♡

First ever blog here! 30.7. 2025

Hello hello! This is my first blog on this website (and hopefully not last) andd Id like to start it with a short story.

As you can see I LOVE tomatoes and yesterday I craved THEM BADDD but there werent any at the house. Then at like 23:00 I went to check the fridge and there there were- bag of tomatoes. But it was too late to make a salad, so I left them there.

The next day I looked again and literally vanished. No tomatoes at sight.

But then I checked again at around midnight today and THEY ARE BACK!!!!! Whos making me suffer like this??? If they wont be there tomorrow I will eat them when I see them. ⌤

The end.